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How to fake being sick, and why the act gets caught

The numbers on how to fake being sick say one thing: say less. Below are the lines people use on the call, each rated by how likely it is to get you caught, and the honest version that can't be.

I'm sick, and I'm switching my phone off to sleep.

You were fine at 5.

Risk

Medium risk. It explains the unread messages, until one of them gets read at noon.

All 48 lines people use to fake being sick, by how risky they are

Low risk

  1. I'm unwell today and won't be working.

    Seven words and no symptoms. It's what the people who never get caught send.

  2. I've got a stomach bug.

    The second most used line, picked because nobody wants to ask a single question about it.

  3. Sorry for the early message: I'm sick and won't be in.

    17.6% time the message for early morning. An early text reads like a bad night.

  4. I'm not up to working today. I'll check in tomorrow.

    It says when they'll hear from you, the only question most managers have.

  5. I'm taking a sick day.

    No reason given, and for one day most offices don't ask for one.

  6. I need to take today as a sick day for my mental health.

    19% dress a mental health day up as a physical illness. Saying it straight is the version nobody can catch out.

Show 2 moreShow fewer low risk lines people use to fake being sick

  1. I'm sick and resting today. Back tomorrow if I'm better.

    Short, with a plan, and the plan includes getting better.

  2. I was up half the night ill, so I'm taking today off sick.

    A bad night explains the early message and the voice.

Medium risk

  1. I'm sick, and I'm switching my phone off to sleep.

    It explains the unread messages, until one of them gets read at noon.

  2. I felt a bit off yesterday, remember.

    14.4% plant this the day before. It only works if somebody heard you say it.

  3. I think I've caught what Sam had.

    It works if Sam was off sick. Check that Sam was off sick.

  4. I've had a temperature since last night.

    Fine, until somebody asks how high, and you say a number.

  5. It's a migraine, so I'll be staying off screens.

    Fine, unless your status turns green at 2 pm.

  6. I'll try to log on later if I feel better.

    Now they'll watch for you to log on. Never offer this.

Show 9 moreShow fewer medium risk lines people use to fake being sick

  1. I think something I ate last night has made me ill.

    They'll ask where you ate. Pick somewhere nobody in the office goes.

  2. I'm texting because I've lost my voice.

    Clever, until someone calls back to check, and you answer.

  3. I've got the bug that's been going round.

    Only holds up if a bug is going round. Check the office first.

  4. I'm sick, and I think it might be contagious.

    Contagious keeps people away, and it also makes them ask what it is.

  5. My doctor told me to stay home.

    They may ask for a note later. Don't say doctor if there wasn't one.

  6. I've got a bad back and I can't drive.

    Holds up until someone sees you carrying the shopping.

  7. I'm not well. I'll update you at noon.

    Noon commits you to sounding sick at noon too.

  8. I've had a terrible night and I'm going back to bed.

    True of most bad mornings, which is why it holds up.

  9. I'd rather not give details, but I'm unwell.

    Fine, and some managers respect it. Others get curious.

High risk

  1. I'm sick. (cough) Really sick. (cough)

    One in ten fakes a cough or a croaky voice on the call. The cough always comes a beat late.

  2. I've got a fever, chills, a sore throat and a rash.

    9.9% recite their symptoms. A list that long sounds rehearsed, because it was.

  3. Hi, it's me. I'm sick. Sorry. Sick. Yes, very sick.

    14.8% rehearse the call. It shows when you say sick four times.

  4. I'm sick, and it's also my birthday, unrelated.

    Birthdays are on the team calendar. Somebody will notice.

  5. I'm at the doctor's now, so I can't talk long.

    Background noise gives it away. Waiting rooms don't have a crowd chanting.

  6. I'm too sick to come in, but I'll still make the client lunch.

    A sickness that skips lunch fools nobody.

Show 19 moreShow fewer high risk lines people use to fake being sick

  1. I think the team lunch gave me food poisoning.

    They'll check who else ate it, and everyone else is fine.

  2. I'm sick. Don't call, I'm sleeping.

    Then you reply to an email at 11.

  3. I'm sick, same as last Monday.

    A run of Mondays is the pattern HR looks for first.

  4. I'm sick the day after the Super Bowl, believe it or not.

    Millions of US workers miss that Monday, and managers know the date as well as you do.

  5. I'm sick on the Friday before my vacation.

    The calendar does the accusing for them.

  6. I'm sick. Please ignore my status, it's wrong.

    Teams shows you active when the app is open on your phone. Close the app.

  7. I've got a stomach bug, but I'm still coming to five-a-side tonight.

    The group chat is public, and somebody in it works with you.

  8. I caught a cold in the hot tub at the weekend.

    Nobody asked about a hot tub, and now they know about the hot tub.

  9. I'll be in bed all day.

    One photo from the beach at 11 cancels any line. Post nothing.

  10. I've got a doctor's note, it's in the post.

    Notes don't come in the post. This page stops before the note, and so should you.

  11. I've lost my voice, so I'll explain on the call later.

    Lost voices and calls later don't go together.

  12. I've got a rare condition the doctor hadn't heard of.

    Rare conditions get looked up. Common ones don't.

  13. My cat is sick, so I'm sick too.

    Pet days exist. Ask for a pet day.

  14. I'm sick, and it's nothing to do with the deadline today.

    Nobody mentioned the deadline until you did.

  15. I'm sick. Sorry. I never get sick.

    People who never get sick don't say so. Lose the second half.

  16. I'm fine. I mean, I'm not fine. I'm sick.

    Saying fine first is a tell. Start with the sick part.

  17. I think it's the flu, the full flu, with the aches and the sweats and the chills.

    Five details for one day off. The detail is what they doubt.

  18. I'm sick, and my manager on the other team already said it's fine.

    Now two managers will talk, about you.

  19. It's a 24-hour bug, so it'll be gone before you can check.

    Promising when it ends is the part that gives it away.

How people fake being sick

The act, in stages

Most fake sick days follow one script. A few people start the day before, telling someone they feel a bit off. More send the message first thing in the morning, when a real bad night would end. Some rehearse what they’ll say, and one in ten puts on a sick voice. Fewer than one in ten reads out a list of symptoms.

The biggest group does none of it. 42% just send the message, which is also the version that works.

Why people fake it

Burnout is the top reason Americans give for a sick day, at 40.1%, which makes a lot of fake sick days less fake than they look. In Australia, 39% took a day off sick in the past year without being ill, most often just for a day off.

In one US survey, 42% had exaggerated a physical illness so they could take a mental health day. Among Gen Z it was two in three. Only one in ten had told the truth and got a good response.

Why the act gets caught

True stories sound fake, and fake ones sound rehearsed

A true excuse can sound invented, which is why people with a real one send a photo.

A fake sounds the other way round. It arrives with three symptoms, a timeline and a cough on cue, because it was planned. Managers rarely catch the call itself. They catch what comes after it.

What gives people away

  • The status. Teams shows you active while the app is open on your phone, and an Out of Office marker doesn’t hide it. It’s the opposite of the usual problem, keeping Teams active.
  • The post. A beach photo at 11 am undoes the whole line.
  • The pattern. Mondays, Fridays, the day after the party, the morning after the big game.
  • The second telling. The details change when someone asks how you’re feeling.
  • The coworker. Some managers ask a colleague if you’re ill, and the colleague may know.

The honest version

Say less, and say something true

“I’m not well enough to work today” covers flu, a bad back and a week that broke you. It needs no symptoms, and nobody can check it.

If all you need is the afternoon, excuses to leave work early cost a few hours of leave instead of a whole day.

Forged notes

A forged doctor’s note turns a day off into a disciplinary. For a day that isn’t about your health, excuses to get out of work leave it out altogether.

Questions about faking a sick day

How do you fake being sick convincingly?

Don't perform it. Send one short line early in the morning, give no symptoms, and stay off social media. The acting is what people notice.

What is the best fake sick excuse?

A stomach bug. It's the second most used sick-day line, because nobody asks a follow-up about one. Not feeling well comes first.

Can my boss tell if I'm faking sick?

Not from one short message. They tell from what comes after it: a green status at noon, a photo, the same Monday every month.

How do I fake being sick over text?

Keep it to one sentence and send it before your shift: you're sick, you won't be in, and when you'll update them. A text with symptoms in it reads like a script.

Is it OK to take a sick day for my mental health?

In plenty of workplaces a mental health day is a sick day, so there's nothing to fake. Saying you're unwell is true, and no manager can check it.

How do you fake being sick for school?

The same rule holds: the less you act, the better it goes. Whoever reads the note has heard every line before.

Sources

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